So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
