oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Is Oprah even human
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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