sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I love having hate sex.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
