halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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