i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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