yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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