He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
