Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
