I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
