North Korea, Best Korea!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
