Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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