apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
