So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's official drugs can't kill me
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
