Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
