After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
