We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
