I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
