if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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