Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I can't trust your balls anymore.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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