So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
