Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
