youre lurking in front of me
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
