Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
