guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Randomize
