apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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