just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
