Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
