I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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