Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
