Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
me + whiskey = a bad person
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
