It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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