Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
