Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
