Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
