So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
