Redeem this text for a blowjob
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
