I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
