ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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