then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We got so high we made milksteak
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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