I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
