I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
