no, he came in my armpit
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
