FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
