I must be too annoying 4 u.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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