I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
