Where is the hickey?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
