I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
