i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
someone owes me an orgasm
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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