I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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