im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
